pretend.....

you sneaks into my life gives you love and fun.
you screws with my brain,i get addicted.
There is nowhere to run.


you makes me want you more.
And at the height of my desire,
you spits on me and turns off my fire.
you went out, your gone, And ripped out my heart.
you left me to cry.

While months passing by,im finally recover.

And look who is back? The long lost lover.

The excuses are lame.
your sweet just like before.
i forgive what you did.
i just cannot blame you for whatever you did.
i just want you back.

And when the time comes... When im truly fall for you again,
And i get addicted...
you put me down and turn your back on me and leave me again,
So bad i wish i would drown.
And that is your trick.

you tell me to calm down,
you tell me you love me without a meaning,
you tell me you wants me when in truth is you like someone else,
you tell me that i have to understand and let go,
you tell me to move on, and what choice do i have?

I will never understand the reasoning for someone to 'move on'.
It's not like you're really going to move on.
you're just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that special person every second of every minute of every day 'till it finally becomes a routine and you don't notice it anymore.
That is, until you see that person with someone else and then you have to remind yourself again, smile....just smile'.

What choice must I make?
But I can't go on like this.
I am suffering through Endless torture,
I have to do something before I drown.
Do i have to pretend you're not there?
Or im just gonna ignore you and pretend your not hurting me?

so thats what i did for the past year, pretend that im not hurt.
we've been friends all along,pretending that i dont love you anymore
its really hard to pretend that everythin is prefectly fine
your with the person you really love, your close but yet far.

I throw my head back and laugh like nothing matters.
I carry on pretending like my heart isn't shattered.
it seems like everything's just perfectly ok
but nobody knows that inside, im wasting away.

I pretend I’m not ecstatic when you call me,
even if know you just called to have someone to get drunk with ,
i also pretend i wasnt hurt, even i know i was your last option.

I pretend that i wasnt hurt,
when you kiss me,hold my hand and ask me if i love you,
but called me in ryan's name

I pretend it doesn’t hurt,when you tell me about other people you’re seeing.
and when you talked about the fight you had with him.
the hardest part is,me,giving advice that you guys should get back together,
but inside, im jealous and hurt like hell.

guess it’s hard to pretend you love somebody when you don’t,
But it’s even harder to pretend you don’t love somebody when you do.

its ok to cry ......

Its always been said that men are never to cry.
And now after half a lifetime of "big boy" macho toughness,
the tears are back - I've begun my grieving process.
I've discovered, much to my surprise, that I like being able to feel my sadness.
I now realize that I cut out a part of my soul trying to be strong.
What I thought was strength turned out to be repression of a devastating, painful event.

Tears are not a bad sign, you know.
They’re nature’s way of helping you heal…
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.

You need not speak.
Be patient…and do not fear.
cry relieves the pain,for when the tears can freely come and go, you will feel lighter
Talking to with someone else about your problem releases what you’ve been wanting to say aloud,
you’ll cry for a minute or two…and then you’ll wipe your eyes,and sometime you’ll even find yourself laughing later.

When you hold back the tears, your pain will juts hold inside,
Your loss will left a hole in your heart.and That hole never goes away...
you have to learn to live with it, With acceptance of the mistakes that u committed.
And you also have to accept changes in your life,
it's ok to cry .it lessens the pain