afterlife!!

I wonder if anyone could stomach what I really am. Terrible, to walk and talk and wat and sleep and FUCK and grow OLD and SHIT and DIE only to be a SHAME and DISAPPOINTMENT to all who knows me.
Perverse of me to hang on for my life!
My life had gone astray. That am so FUCKED up I could use a knife, somebody told me that people who commit suicide or at least attempt to do it are neither weak nor stupid, that they are brave people who knows exactly what they want and dedicated enough to pursuit it and there’s nothing more courageous that running towards the unknown. Im about to believe it , about to be convince. But then I realized they’re not really running towards unknown, they’re actually running AWAY from the thing they wanted to be unknown… but what if souls float in solitary bubbles in the afterlife? Would you still fell something? Would you still have the thought of the past and suffer? Well, if there’s an afterlife I want to be in an existence of an egg, ohh yeah an egg, it could e a relief, to live without a body! No more illness, no hunger, no more fighting, no worries about how you look , no more shopping, no trash night, no weed, no viz, no booze, no sex, no sleep, no night and day of pain, no tears and no heartaches, it should be a limbo land, no better no worse