unnoticed...

Its really hard to like someone but holding off because of you role barrier.
i wonder why it always have to be the basis,
why cant both agree not to make it as a center of a relationship,
not make to think about it and not to make it a big deal.
everything could possibly work, I guess? arggggg i dont know , im not really sure.
is it possible? is it gonna work?

I dont wanna think that it wont last,
but i do know that everyone has its own need, and if that needs doesnt fulfilled by each other,
more likely you'll seek someone who could give your needs, uhhmm i dont really know, i mean, for me i guess i could deal without thinking about the role and needs with someone i like, i believed that it could be sacrifice if you really love each other,

but of course i know that relationship is not just about one person satisfied, i dont wanna be selfish.
but i believed that i dont need to change just to be like by someone i like.

i guess its not just about love in a non conventional relationship, i guess role matters.

but its hard to convince myself to stop liking someone just because our role doesnt meet, its not easy to convince myself that im not in love with someone when you see that person everyday and your damn heart whisper " here we go again "
again i go unnoticed..

trust...

I easily trust someone, easily fall on their tricks.
maybe thats why i easily got hurt.
A friend to me is someone i could deal with,
someone i could talk to even in the most non sense stuff,
someone i could trust, someone who will not drag you down,
someone who will not make fun out of you just to make himself look cool.

I dont understand why there are insensitive people who doest care bout how you feel.
but you know what really hurt most is? that insensitive people is the person you've treated as a friend, and you never though would do things to hurt you.
and HE SEES that as a JOKE? that is so FUCKIN FAG!!




i never asked him to treat me as a friend, though i sees him as one.
i just cant imagine why he thought that im gonna get even, woahh... i never even thought of doin it with anyone else, never ever thought of it, i might be hurt but never fight back or do things to get even, thats way big NO.

i dont know why life isn't fair.
i dont compete with my friends, coz theres nothing to compete about, besides.. i really dont see it that way.
i mean..im not the type who gonna compete with, i mean.. i know im no one

but why i have this feeling that he treated me as an opponent in a game, like i was a subject in a comedy bar, like i was an enemy?

things have been said and done, but still i tried to hide that i was hurt, tried to convince myself that its not big deal.
but what really makes me sad is, even if i look stupid already, i did still put my effort to put the pieces back together, but he seems not to care, he even felt that he was the one been hurt.
hell yeah he says he's sorry, but he even makes me look more stupid.
he acted strange and different as if he's the one who's been hurt from what happened.
i dont know why i have this feelin that he secretively fuming with rage in me, when he's the one who hurt me and make me look stupid .
well ... i tried , but then....

I always says that i dont plan and i just live on a day to day basis,
but then, you'll get sick and tired of it.
suddenly you'll get bored, more often you'll feel empty and alone, but dont know why?

Life isn't fair,it feels that you have evrythin , but inside you fell incomplete

i guess every individual doesn't have contentment, we always strive for more.

i started to think that , hey" maybe this time i need to plan,
but then, lots of questions hangin on my mind, like what, when and how?
i dont even know what i want, dont even know when and how to start.

boredom is like a wolf ready to open his mouth and eat me,
and every end of the day im hearing the wolf at the door.

good thing is i have friends, family and work
they're my ways of sneaking out from the boredom.
but i guess the question is, until when they gonna stop the wolf from eating me?

silence tells all

Well, I just realized that it is silence that tells all,
sometimes its not about aggravation, sadness and tears.

all it takes is for two people to seat beside each other in silence,
and feel that somethings not right, somethings went wrong.
that what we have before isn't there anymore.

i desperately miss him when were apart,
but much worse and miserable when were together.

and it comes to my mind, that ive got two options left.
either to seat still and ignore the pain,
or gather enough courage to stand up and walk away.

i know walking away isn't that easy,
but at least it will help me eventually ease the pain.