life doesnt have to be gray ...

my birthday turned out not really that so bad, i got wasted for three consecutive nights.
i knew those emo shitt will pass, and it did.
i was just probably getting too emotional because it added another year for me,
this year was a crucial part for me,

When I was a young last of 20-something, I remember thinking of 30 as so so old
coz im almost gonna be wipe out from calendar, i just turned another year old, and years to come ill be 30..
Wat the fuck!! i feel so fucking old and wasted. well, though ive enjoyed my past years and i dont have any regrets from what i did, whether its good or bad, ive learned from it.

im not really sure how i felt that time ( the day before and after my birthday).
but what really am i scared of? getting old? Is it really all about fear of wrinkles, or is it because every day we step closer and closer to the grave?
or im afraid of being alone?

i think birthday is Another year of grief. A year of fear All alone
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel, And all this anger, is it going to stay?
What is it that causes this feeling? Another day wasted on insecurity? Is this ever going to end?

I am alone and afraid now, but I know you don't care, all you care about is yourself,
no one else could ever put me through all the pain you put me through,
I know you did not feel a thing,
only I felt my heart break when you completely showed me that you dont fucking care.
that its pretty obvious that you like one of your friends, instead of me,
I am afraid that from all pain you put me through,
that I will never trust anyone, and always be alone forever.

most people know me that im a easy and very laid back, but Deep down inside
im Afraid, Alone, or maybe insecure.
Insecurities get the best of some. I'm afraid I'm one.
We can waste a lot of time feeling insecure. Trust me, life doesn't have to be so gray