gamot sa bukol meron ka?...

bakit ang extra joss naimbento para pampalakas.
ang biogesic gamot sa lagnat at sakit ng ulo,

wala bang gamot para sa sakit sa puso, di yung sakit sa pusong literal ah,
yung sakit sa puso dulot ng pagiging tanga sa pagibig.
sana may maimbentong ganun.

sana may capsule or pill na iinumin at iisipin mo lang yung tao'ng gusto mo makalimutan na mahal mo sya,

kase may mga taong sobra ang katangahan pag dating sa ganyan eh,
kahit ilang beses na silang ginagago eh, mangitian lang bibigay na naman,
di na nadala, di na natuto.

bakit kaya may taong nakakapag control ng puso mo?
bakit kaya may taong pag nakilala mo eh manghihina ka at parang kang tanga na susunod sunod lang, kahit alam mong wala namang patutunguhan.
na kahit ilang beses ka saktan eh ok lang.
na kahit ramdam mo na wala ka halaga eh ok lang din.
na kahit ilang taon na lumipas eh di mo makalimutan.
minsan naiisip ko tuloy na baka karma na to.
dati ako ang nangagago, ngayon ako na ang mukang gago.

!@#$^^*

sigh*

i can hear the sound of the fingers tapping on the keyboards and the backround noise was like a people bidding in stock exchange.
most are speaking in english, some are discreetly speaking in vernacular.
im on lunch, and i dont wanna go out,
so i decided just to sit on my station, nothin else to do. AC was in the lowest temparature in celcious

im discreetly browsing, (because we're not allowed )
read blog randomly from whoever recently posted,
magisip, magisip, at sa isip ko ay magdancing dancing sa ibabaw ng buwan.
getting ready for my dreads repair later,
urhg... natatae pa ko. but ill just flush it down once i get home.

anxious about getting tan, anxious bout beach bumming, anxious bout surfing, wakeboarding, skim bording,
beer, tent, party, weed, laugh trip, road trip, and maybe sex trip, hehehehe why not....

resign..
one month bumming... ahhh. thats life.

he's not that into you...

if someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it.
so dont bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesnt make an effort to stay.

he's just not that into you if he's not calling or texting you.we knows how to use a phone.
oh sure they're busy, they didnt have even the moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone.
it was just that crazy. BULLSHIT.
with the advent of cellphones, it almost impossible not to call or text.
we like taking a break from our generally mundane day, to talk to someone we like. it makes us happy. and we like to be happy.
if im into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. which would be a day that i would never be too busy to call or text.
actions speaks louder than " there's no signal from where i am right now" and " im too busy with my work".

if i like you, i wont forget you. the word busy seems like a good excuse,
but we can never be too busy to get what we want.
when someones making me suffer and someones behavior is making me feel bad about myself,
that's a little pang to myself, but well that's ok, tears? really bad

meeting someone you like and being with them is suppose to make us feel better.
but if you're not receiving a call or text, its because you're not on their mind.
and busy is another word for ASSHOLE.

and he's not that into you if he's not asking you out, because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
why would you think we are incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out?
we're not too shy , or just got out from something. if we want you, we will find you.

he's not into you if he only want to see you when he's drunk, if he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgement is'nt impaired.
it doesn't count unless he kiss and hold your hand when he's sober.
showing you sweetness under the influence of anything stronger that grape juice wont hold up in court or in life.
if he only wants to see you , talk to you, have sex with you when he's inebriated, it aint love- its a sport.

i dont wanna ruin the friendship excuse is a racket. sex could mess up friendship.
unfortunately, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it.
if we're really exited about someone, we cant stop ourselves- we want more.
if we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're goin to want to take it further.
and please!!! dont tell me he's just scared. and he trully likes you. but for some personal reasons he need to take it slow.
he will let you know that immediately.he wont keep you guessing, because he'll want you to make sure you dont get frustrated.

if he likes you, he still remember you after typhoon or flood.
an excuse is a polite rejection. we're not afraid of ruinning the friendship.
dont get trickked into asking him out, if he likes you he'll do the asking
if you can find him, then he can find you, if he wants to find you he will.

guys tell how they feel even if you refuse to listen or beleive them.
"i dont wanna be in a serious relationship" trully means " i dont wanna be in a serious relationship with you"
or "im not sure if you're the one for me"
well. its better that nothing.

Keep your heart open....

1) If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

2) If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our loves and ways are different.

3) If you fall in love with another, he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is meaning. You will know in time.


Remember this, and keep it to your heart. “Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.”

IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN!

What the HELL...

you're the one who started being sarcastic, you made me sarcastic.

im all dressed up and going out with my other friends who really know me and who really care for me.
when you texted "sib, san ka?"
i replied " im about to go out with my childhood friends"
and u said "oh well, i wanna asked you out asked sana eh,im here sa rob place, pero sige di bale na lang"
and you we're expecting me to feel bad about it.
when you know that i already said yes to my other sets of friends a week ago.

when i texted you that i wanna go out, and you replied " im with roy eh", or "im doin something eh"
did i ever replied " i wanna asked you out sana eh" so you would feel bad na di mo ko masasamhan?
for you to choose me over whoever your with?
NO! hell NO NO! because i know you're with someone else na, and i dont feel bad about it ,
because i understand, because i dont own you, you're not my girlfriend and you're not my coin operated friend.

TL gave us all a tix to eheads concert , then you had a party at your home.
your party started at 3pm and the concert started at 8pm.
the plan was, ill go to your house by 3pm and leave at 8pm to watch the concert and go back to your house, since i know your party will end till wee hours.


you spend you're time doing nothing at home, while i spend my time on my ranking file job to earn money, and doin house chores.

when i got home, our helper didnt come to work, so automatically im the one who suppose to do all the house chores (wash the dishes, help on laundry, clean the house)
so i finished the house chores at almost 2pm, i dont even have a plan to go to sleep so i could go to you're party.
because i know its important to you, but i couldnt held up my eyes, so i shut my eyes , thinking just a power nap. but i woke up 8pm. cant you understand that
so theres a sudden change of plan then
ill go to eheads concert first, then go to your party afterwards.


on the way to eheads concert, i texted you that im gonna be late , i said my sorry, told you what happened, told you that ill go to eheads concert before ill go to your party,
then BOOM (what i got is another sarcastic reply) " oh , my mom was supposed to buy me nga tix for that, but i said no, kase i wanna spend my precious time with my precious friends"
oh what the hell you expect me to feel.

this is not all about you, did you ever considered how i feel. did you ever listened to what happened?
am i a coin operated boy?.
besides that concert will be a legend, cant you understand that?
and it just happened that i am the only one from your friends whos into that, so you guys used that against me! oh come on.. you guys we're acting self centered possesive.

bull crap the friendship thing, if you cant understand that.

did i ever bothered you, when you were having fun with other sets of your friends?
did i ever complained when i wanna go out, but you cant because youre busy with your BF?
did i ever demand time with you?

and you guys telling me that im only up for good times.
that some shizzz....

did i ever bothered you guys when i feel down and feel like crying?
NO! NO! NO!!!
becasue you dont have time to listen, oh please! dont tell no, coz i can tell
and as much as possible and i dont want you guys to drag on my own problem.

come on man! i have my own problem to deal with!!!

and you started hating , just because i wasnt able to go to your party!!!!!
did you realized that on that time im on despair and in my melancholy..
what kind of friends are you, to think just about yourself

naghihinayang ako sa friendship natin, i know you treasure the friendship (oh! did you?)


and that night, that night , that i left you for _ _ _ _, cant u understand that its really important to me,
DID I EVER COMPLAINED WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?????????????????????????
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and you... youre the one who's outcasting yourself... you know who you are
dont give me that crap.
why dont you tell the root of all these,
and if i said stupid things recently,because you guys made me say that.

we even reached out askin whats wrong...

and we know the reason why you left...
reason that yourself dont understand
pretending to be innocent of what you know about.

and you we're competing with your so called friends?
eat all the metrics, as if i care about that,
but competing with someone who dont even up for a competition isnt healthy.

and dont be tricked on the people who you thought on your side,
because that people once -or still probably hate you

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Sucks to be COOL...

Did they ever treat me as friend?
or they probably did , because it just happened that im part of the so called "team".

actually, i dont believe in the word best friend, better friends or bestest friend..etc
everything just plot because of the situation and chances
people come and go. most people change. bullshit the "some are dont".

im grateful that i have loads of set of friends. and i cant blame myself for that.
because coolness is something i born with. hehehe... kiddin..

but you know what i dont like, i dont like people who control you, who hates you because you dislike what they like.

friends are not suppose to be possessive, friends are suppose to understand
(well, it doesnt count unless it was way way overboard).
friends are suppose to trust, and never talk anything against you behind your back.

i dont even know what they're pissin about. it was so self centered selfish.
we're all grown ups, and we're suppose to act like one.
if you think i did something stupid that is way way overboard, then you got to tell me.
i dont have a extrasensory perception.
i did my part, even exceeded it. i reached out askin what the fuck is wrong and if i did stupid things to deserve this, but you guys said nothing.
ok thats what you said, so i thought " ok, fume all you want, let them be, this shall pass".
but still, i dont remember i did something awfully wrong, thats the least thing i can do, offend people, i always consider the feelings of other people fairly.
is it jealous? of what? of who? what the hell..

im not use living in plastic world and pretensions.
lemme know if i did something wrong, broad your mind you people.
this is not a battle between who your real friends are. this is pointless
did i ever question who you guys with?
i mean. im not selfish, if i wanna go out and asked you guys, but it happened your already with other set of your friends or even your partner, i wont feel bad, i'll understand.
after all, i dont own you.
did you guys heard me complaining about that?
NO! think way back. think the other way around.
so dont give me that friendship pack bullshit treaty thing, because you guys we're acting selfish.
and you would never understand, did you guys ever considered what happened?
anyway, even if i explain you wouldnt understand , because you guys are too narrow and selfish to understand.
im not like you guys, that you got all your time to have fun.

anyway, theres no real friends here.
we're all just draw together by chances,
we're all just using each other.

its seventeen hours of fun with you the last time, well, technically its ten.
but after that, its indeterminable time of pain.
how stupid of me to let this happened, when i know this is coming.
i should already learned from it. because this is not the first time you did it.

but that night. it felt like you wanted me. (as always whenever we see each other). and that was enough to offset the times that you ignored and showed me that you never really care.
it felt that its no more than a guilt, but i know that its just what i wanted to believe.

i felt your lips press against my lips, and i didnt care what the motivation was, all im ever thinking is at least i could be with you again, though i know that after it, you'll be gone like forever. and never know when will i see you again.
but i guess there's nothing much i can do against it. because im too blind and in denial of the fact that your really just not that into me.
all im ever thinking of is im better when we're together

now im longing for your smell. your smell is like an air that fills my lungs.
and ive been thinking about our kiss, your kiss is like a water that quench my thirst. and your hugs? well, its like a comforter that warms me when im cold.
(what the heck i am sayin man!) i never said anything corny like this before.
(some shiznit eh?....)
but that's how i feel... i dont give a xhitty if this one goes really funny..

i wish i could ask you exactly how you feel for me, i wanted desperately to know, but afraid to know the truth.
but i cant hold on to this any longer. i have to tell you this.
i know that i dont have to, because i know your not stupid, and i know you know whats unspoken. but got to tell u anyway.

are you a drug of my choice? coz ive been missin you..
and im sure as hell how i feel..
i think im fallin for you...
when im about to sleep, it was you i am thinking of.
when i woke up , it was still you on my mind.

i dont care how would you react on this. and hey! im not expectin you to love me back, or maybe i am? hopin? i dont know, i really dont know.
maybe,i just want you to acknowledge,
or maybe im tellin you this for my foolishness need to stop.
i hated my self for loving you so much..
its pretty obvious that your not just that into me, but im ignoring it.
and playing blind

maybe i wanna hear it from you so i could digest it, and bear the inevitable pain.
why you couldn't just tell me, spit it on my face, tell me you dont love me, i would understand that.
its better than nothing.
dont worry this shall pass.
still , i want you to know that i wont stop loving you, unless you want me to

to love you secretly...

everytime my phone rings and everytime i got a text message i was wishing it was from you..


miss your smile. your smile are so wide and bright
miss the way you talk. ("bahala kayo" , "true")
the way you hold my hand.
miss your kiss.
i miss everything about you,

these feelings run through me from day to day
like when you are cold and shivers run down spine.
these are caused by you

fuck! i hate this feelin, i feel stupid.
this is lame i swear.it feels corny

ive never been this confuse,
but what can i do to make this go away.
whenever im with with you, it brings happiness in me.
your all that ive been thinking of.
i cant get you out of my head. your all i ever wanted.

Lately Ive been thinkin. maybe you're not ready for me.
but if you gonna ask me tomorrow, no Doubt i'll say yes.
but if you dont feel the same way, i promise i wont complain.
i just need you to acknowledge im here.
if you could just give me a half chance, I'll prove my love for you.
i'll be patient, kind, faithful and true.

but all of this was just only wishful thinkin.
none of this will ever be possible.
i know its complicated, and i completely understand why.
i have to set a level of contentment for myself.
so that my heart will not expect for something i know what i think is way too impossible.

if this feelin would be the reason for you to drift apart from me.
i suppose this feelin of mine should be kept unspoken.
im ok with what we have, I'd rather keep the friendship we have,than loose you by
telling you how i feel.
i think i have no choice but to love you secretly without any condition,

Maybe i could...

when you've found a reason to walk away,
never look back , just keep walking.

for its better to get lost moving on,
than to get stuck and stranded broken

= = = = = = =


someone had just sent me this quotes, and it had pushed everything suddenly into a perspective for me. perspective that i didnt want to see. because if i admitted to the truth of it , it would mean that i have to change my ways.
could i live like that?
maybe it wouldn't be easy. in fact it would be downright miserable.
but maybe i should.
maybe i could.
but i couldn't make that decision right now, it hurt too much, i'd think about something else.

but u seemed to be in tune with my thoughts,
your image rolled through my head.

i have to try coming up with something else to think about.
but all that came up is the question that " how can i make this pain go away'?

life doesnt have to be gray ...

my birthday turned out not really that so bad, i got wasted for three consecutive nights.
i knew those emo shitt will pass, and it did.
i was just probably getting too emotional because it added another year for me,
this year was a crucial part for me,

When I was a young last of 20-something, I remember thinking of 30 as so so old
coz im almost gonna be wipe out from calendar, i just turned another year old, and years to come ill be 30..
Wat the fuck!! i feel so fucking old and wasted. well, though ive enjoyed my past years and i dont have any regrets from what i did, whether its good or bad, ive learned from it.

im not really sure how i felt that time ( the day before and after my birthday).
but what really am i scared of? getting old? Is it really all about fear of wrinkles, or is it because every day we step closer and closer to the grave?
or im afraid of being alone?

i think birthday is Another year of grief. A year of fear All alone
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel, And all this anger, is it going to stay?
What is it that causes this feeling? Another day wasted on insecurity? Is this ever going to end?

I am alone and afraid now, but I know you don't care, all you care about is yourself,
no one else could ever put me through all the pain you put me through,
I know you did not feel a thing,
only I felt my heart break when you completely showed me that you dont fucking care.
that its pretty obvious that you like one of your friends, instead of me,
I am afraid that from all pain you put me through,
that I will never trust anyone, and always be alone forever.

most people know me that im a easy and very laid back, but Deep down inside
im Afraid, Alone, or maybe insecure.
Insecurities get the best of some. I'm afraid I'm one.
We can waste a lot of time feeling insecure. Trust me, life doesn't have to be so gray

Hapiness

love is irrational
the more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.

i am happy when we're together, i was content
but I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like.

happiness made the whole dying thing bearable.

What's wrong with this dude?!!!

well its just an hear say, and i dont believe until i prove it.
but just in case all of that was true. he is blooooooddyyyyy

why some evil disguise as an angel.

the things that i've heard makes my brain go fume .i just dont get the point of view of why some damn people enjoys ruining someones life . what on earth they are required to do that? i sure as hell am not doin things literaly to ruined ones life, i sure do pissed some ass. but that was just because of my excessive behavior. just for the hell of jack ass
watching people getting pissed was a very trippy experience.BUT not to the extent that im gonna makes someones sacrifice.

what the heck with this dude ?
he really gonna find ways to make you look like a villain and ruined your work life , for no reason. that was so childish thing to do.
he really gonna scrutinized things that you could go wrong and gonna use it against you, even the to the tiny things.

we sure do had a small fight over a non essentials, things have been said and done, he say his sorry, apology accepted, but of course , things never been the same.
its been almost a year and i totally forgot it, but we never spoke to each other since then, not even nod. not because i despise him,im tellin you man,im way way waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy over it. its just i dont know if i say hi , he'll hi back,
i thought he's apology was fucking sincere
but what on the hell he's doin xhitty things to ruin us, to get even on what? we-or rather I dont remember that i did bad things on him.

he's really gonna come on your way to dragged you down.
and i dont fucking know why? why dont you come up on me and tell me what the fuck you faggot local sucker are pisssing about, and fight like a man.,
why? you bloody fag, u freakin stupid, your EVIL...
i hope people like you just die...
die fag.. die......

Go Away....

i put you away on my mind, but your touch and kiss that played has teased my senses.
i put you away out of my sight, and still somehow you found your way back into my dreams
even though i dont want you there.
i thought i put you away out of my mind, but at this special time once a week, i want only you.
i have convinced my mind that i have put you away, but i know truly it was only a lie to my heart